


In Silence

by Salr323



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s04e11 Holy Night, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-01
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2019-05-30 21:36:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15105341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salr323/pseuds/Salr323
Summary: "The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence"





	In Silence

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

_"The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence"  
"Silence" - Marianne Moore_

By the time Donna made it back to the White House it was late. Beyond late, it was the early hours of Christmas Eve and the place was as close to deserted as it ever got. She waved tiredly at the guys on security, hefting her heavy bag over one shoulder as she made her way through the lobby and into the west wing. The phones were silent. The lights were off, aside from in a couple of distant offices, and the multicolored Christmas lights glittered softly.

Donna wasn't entirely sure why she'd come back here instead of heading home, but somehow it had felt right. She'd been drawn here by the same compulsion that had brought her back to DC in the first place. She'd been drawn here because this is where she'd find him, she knew it as well as she knew her own name. Josh would be here, at almost three o'clock on Christmas Eve morning.

Quietly she dropped her heavy bag next to her desk. The whole place was empty - well, almost empty. The door to Josh's office was ajar, his desk lamp throwing light and shadows across the floor as Donna cautiously poked her head inside. Sure enough, there he was behind his desk. Shirt-sleeves rolled up, collar unbuttoned and tie loosened, he sat with his head resting against the wall, fast asleep.

It must have been the lateness of the hour, or the Christmas lights, or the time she'd spent thinking about her life on the helicopter ride, but Donna felt all her usual barriers tumble. It wasn't the first time she'd seen him sleep, far from it. But there was something about tonight, about the way it looked as if he'd literally worked himself to exhaustion, that made her stomach flip over. He was heroic, she realized. Not like Jack was heroic; no medals, no uniform, no putting himself in harm's way. At least, not intentionally. But here he was, in the middle of the night, asleep at his desk because he was fighting for something he believed in. It was heroic, just not in the way most people understood the word.

But Donna understood it - she understood him - and that understanding carried her across the room. He didn't wake up, didn't stir as she perched herself on the edge of his desk next to his chair. Another time she might have woken him with the shout of 'Senior staff in ten minutes!' but not tonight. She didn't want to tease him tonight, she didn't want to hide her feelings behind their usual banter. She wanted to…

Almost of its own accord her hand reached out and touched his face. She pressed her palm against his cheek and found herself holding her breath; he was warm, his skin slightly scratchy so late in the day. Or early in the morning. But he didn't move, almost as if he too were holding his breath as she trailed her fingers up to his temple and through his hair, then back down to his cheek again.

I love him.

It wasn't a new thought, or a startling one. She'd known for a long time. It was just that this was the first time she'd allowed herself to actually think the words on purpose, rather than letting them catch her by surprise. Usually she kept her feelings at bay until he said something, or did something, that brought a helpless smile to her lips and startled the horde of silent butterflies in her stomach into flight. But not tonight, tonight was different. Everything was different, and so she let herself think it. Let herself feel it, wholeheartedly feel it.

I love him.

She was drunk with it, overwhelmed by the sensation as she pressed her hand against his face, a face that had become so precious to her over the years. She wondered if she dared wake him, if she dared-

Josh opened his eyes.

She froze, her hand still touching his cheek. He didn't move, didn't react, just stared at her. There was no confusion in his eyes - he'd obviously been awake all along - but there was heat, an intense heat. Her breathing quickened, her heart thudding loudly in her chest and yet she couldn't seem to get enough air into her lungs. She felt dizzy, began to pull away, but he stopped her. Strong fingers clasped her wrist, his eyes locked with hers. Then slowly, carefully, and without once dropping her gaze, he took her hand in his. She could see his chest rising and falling, almost in time with her own shallow breaths, as he ran this thumb over her knuckles and then closed his hand around hers. He was watching her the whole time, as if waiting for her to resist or to tell him to stop, but she didn't. She couldn't have, even if she'd wanted to. She felt like the proverbial deer caught in headlights. She couldn't look away, couldn't speak as he slowly, slowly brought her fingers to his lips and ever so gently kissed them.

She began to tremble, a tide of emotion rising from the pit of her stomach and up through her chest into her throat as he carefully turned her hand over and, closing his eyes, pressed a kiss into the palm of her hand. Her fingers were on his face again, his skin no longer warm but heated. Feverish. When his eyes opened they were bright with desire and doubt as he stood up and tentatively pulled her closer, his breath hot against her fingers as he kissed her palm again and again. Weak kneed she longed to slide her arms around his neck and pull him closer, to make him kiss her properly. He must have read her mind because a knowing little almost-smile touched his lips as his free hand found her waist and-

"Josh, I thought you'd like to know that we-"

Leo!

They sprang apart like high school kids. Donna found herself clutching the edge of Josh's desk, while he cleared his throat and raked a hand through his hair. "Leo, hi…" He babbled. "Uh…what?"

Leo said nothing right away, his gaze moving between them once, twice and then settling on Josh. "You know what? I don't wanna know. Good job on the roof thing tonight, Josh. I'll see you Wednesday."

"Yeah, okay," Josh muttered, scooting around his desk toward the door. "Look, that was just-"

"Ah!" Leo interrupted. "I said, I don't wanna know. But do me a favor… Keep it out of the office, huh?" His gaze moved to Donna and she saw a glitter of humor in his eyes. "No room at the Inn?"

She smiled, or tried to. "Something like that."

"Okay." Leo nodded, gave Josh a parting look that might have been a warning, and left - closing the door firmly behind him.

The silence in the office had never seemed more profound.

From behind his desk, Donna watched Josh stand staring at the door for a moment before he slowly turned around and leaned his back against it. She realized they hadn't exchanged a word since before she'd left for the Washington Inn five hours earlier. "That was an interesting moment," he said at last, still sticking close to the door.

"Which one?"

The almost-smile was back. "Well, both of them actually." And then he pushed himself away from the door and took a couple of steps closer. "So…what happened?"

"You mean before Leo came in?"

Josh shook his head. "I mean with Jack. Why aren't you there, enjoying the après ski?"

"What did you mean when you said 'this isn't what it looks like'?"

He took another couple of steps closer, until only the corner of his desk separated them. "I meant that I wasn't trying to stop you from leaving."

"Why would I think you were?"

"Why aren't you with Jack?"

Stalemate. This was what happened when they talked, they talked themselves into a corner, tied themselves up with words. It had been so much easier in silence. So she decided not to answer him; he knew the truth anyway, they both did. Both questions had the same answer. So instead of saying it out loud, Donna just reached for his hand. "You kissed me."

His fingers closed around hers, the contact pulling them back together. "You wanted me to."

The trace of uncertainty in his voice made her smile. "I did."

He looked down at their clasped hands and took a deep breath. Relief, she realized, and squeezed his fingers. He looked up then, and suddenly the self-assured, irresistible Josh was back. "I could do that again."

"Hmmmm," Donna agreed. And then, just to keep him off balance, she reached up and kissed him softly on the lips. She smiled at his startled expression and tipped her head to one side, "I could do that again too."

"Again is good…" The slow grin spreading across his face felled her completely. And then was kissing her. Really kissing her, a hand tangling in her hair, his arms holding her tight. It was a sweet kiss, but laced with so much hunger and heat that it left her breathless and wanting. She didn't move back, couldn't bear to, and so her lips brushed against his when she eventually managed to murmur, "We should go…"

"Okay…" She wasn't sure he was listening; he was too busy stringing delightfully soft kisses down the length of her neck.

"Josh…" It came out as a gasp, which must have pleased him because she could feel his smile against her throat. "Focus."

"I am."

"No…" She pushed him far enough back that she could see him grinning at her; her own smile was utterly unstoppable. "We should really go."

"Okay…" He was catching his breath, struggling to think straight, which for some reason spun her stomach in somersaults. "Okay… I don't have a wine cellar, or cocoa or chintzy drapes but I-"

She whacked his arm. "Don't gloat."

"I'm not!" His suddenly earnest expression convinced her instantly, even before he grabbed her shoulders and looked her right in the eye. "I'm not, believe me I'm really not. I'm just…"

Knocked sideways? In shock? In love? All of the above? She smiled, "I know. Me too."

"I think I have a packet of Macaroni 'N' Cheeze in the cupboard," he said. "Maybe a couple of bottles of beer."

"You really know how to make a girl feel special."

"I'm working on that."

"You need to work harder."

He smiled, very slowly. "Harder?"

Oh yeah…and there went the weak knees again. Figuring it was best to move while she was still capable of rational thought, Donna skirted around him and headed for the bullpen. "I'm getting my bag…"

He watched her leave, worried. "Your bag?"

"Get your car keys!" For a smart guy, he could sometimes be pretty slow. She glanced over her shoulder, "How fast can you drive?"

The grin was back as he grabbed his coat. "Oh, I can drive fast."

She laughed, swinging her heavy bag over her shoulder.  
"Here." Josh took it from her hands. "I'll get that."

She stared at him. "You're carrying my bag?"

"Yeah. Why? I'm being gentlemanly."

"One kiss?" she chuckled. "One kiss and now you're carrying my bags?"

"It wasn't one kiss, it was- " He frowned suddenly. "Donna, what the hell do you have in here?" He hefted her bag onto her desk. "It weighs a ton."

"Nothing, it's just-"

Too late, the bag was already unzipped. His eyebrows shot up in amusement as he pulled out… "Ski boots? You own ski boots?"

"They're shoes," she replied, arms folded. "I like shoes."

"And you've been skiing how often?" His grin was positively gleeful.

Donna rolled her eyes. "I've never been skiing."

"And yet you own ski boots."

"Just in case."

"Just in case…?"

"Just in case a handsome man whisks me off for a romantic few days at an exclusive ski resort, which, I might add, would have happened this very day if you hadn't come along with your voice and your noble causes and your stupid dimples!"

He blinked at her for a moment, taken aback. "Okay." But he was still smiling, she could see it in his eyes as he peered back inside the bag again. "I don't see much else in here," he said, rummaging around. "It just looks like-"

"Josh!"

He pulled out a handful of black silk and lace. "You packed ski boots and lingerie?"

"Josh…"

"You'd have gotten pretty cold out there," he smirked, "although, I gotta tell you, that's a pretty interesting image…"

She snatched the camisole from him. "I don't think Jack was planning on doing a lot of skiing."

And suddenly the silence was back. Jack… She'd packed the bag with Jack in mind, and now here she was with Josh. It suddenly struck her as extremely awkward, and from the tense look on Josh's face he felt the same. His eyes locked on the scrap of lace in her hand. "Jack likes that stuff, huh?"

"I guess." The question was so direct it made her blush. "You, uh, you don't?"

"Thing is," he said slowly, taking the camisole from her hand and dropping it back into the bag, "I don't need all that, I just-" He looked up, smiling cautiously. "All I need is you. Just you."

She melted. "All you need is… me?" Her throat choked, her eyes filled.

"Come on, Donna, don't go getting all emo-"

He didn't have time to finish before she flung her arms around him. "You can't say that and then tell me not to get emotional!" she protested, the words muffled against his shoulder.

His answer was a tight hug and a kiss on her neck, before he pushed her away enough that he could look at her face. "Are you ready?"

The question was multi-layered and they both knew it. Ready to go home? Ready to change everything? Ready for the consequences? "I'm leaving the bag here," she said by way of an answer. "Can I borrow your toothbrush?"

Josh just smiled and held out his hand. She took it, squeezing tightly as they left the office, heading out into the snowy night - together, and in silence.


End file.
